Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
ttyl tear gas
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
