He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
