i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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