is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
