my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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