Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
