Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
