Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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