i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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