Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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