highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
