Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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