I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
