Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
