Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
