no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
