He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
