I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
