I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You ate ashes out of my bong
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
