It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
