There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
