It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
