I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
