I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
