You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
