it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The air taste purple.
Randomize
