At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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