OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
