We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
