good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
