I'm so fucking centered right now
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am one with the molecules
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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