woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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