you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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