I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
