He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
