OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
