Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
