Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
