People in love make me want to vomit
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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