Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
