id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
