when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
