Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
