Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
