This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
