I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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