It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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