Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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