A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
