mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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