If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
