it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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