how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
